Tuesday, April 08, 2008

So when do I get my monkey?

Song in my head: See the post below

It's a couple's world and let no one tell you otherwise. I have been looking to see what kind of places being listed in Saskatoon. Prices are definitely higher than expected, but still no where near Vancouver's insanity - although some people are clearly giving it the old college try. (the 515 sq foot place going $890 a month, for instance) There are people I know who drop hints that this is why I need a girlfriend or "partner". (which gets into something else)
I am not an easy guy to be with, ask most any woman I have ever been around. Even Geosomin might agree and we've never been romantically interested in one another at all. (perhaps the only woman I have ever been friends with I can say that about) My relations with woman are disasters. Between my parents conflicting neuroses on the subject (hi Mum) I think I may have been doomed by my genes and upbringing.
My Mum was quite obsessed with teen pregnancy and very paranoid on the subject of women if it ever came to me asking for her for pointers on women. Her own parents were quite uptight and proper Edwardians on the subject, "Sex and having babies is hell and don't you have anything to do with it!" I should point out that they were staunch Communists. I remember once how she flew into a tizzy when I mentioned asking a girl out. Never mentioned it again. She was never comfortable with the subject.
My Dad, his brother and their father have had really bad tastes in women. My paternal Grandmother could be quite the nag and battleaxe. She was great with me, because I was her only grandson, but with the other three? Oi... My uncle's wives were and are real pistols too, especially his current white-trash, hell-spawned she-devil. My Dad has been with some good women. I love my Mum, but they both would have been better off without each other. The woman after my Mum was great - bloody fantastic actually. But it was not to be. He left her for his own hell-spawned, whirlwind-in-the-sack, she-devil and stuck it out with said she-devil for seven years. It has been variations on that ever since
I always seem to become interested in the wrong women, so it may be best for me to stay single. Hard though, because coupled friends begin forgetting about you as they drift off and do couply things, particularly with other couples. And when other couples are introduced into your friends' social circles, those new friends seldom seem comfortable with the odd man out. Single people are defective in some way. Single people who are terrible with the opposite sex must be so because they haven't found the right "partner" yet. Righ?
I hate the term "partner". It is cold and passionless and very condescending. I'm not gay and do not want a "partner". I can in no way picture myself snuggling up with another man for the night. Going shopping together as a couple. Planning lives together, etc. It isn't for me. It is alien. However, for some dull souls (my Dad's wife, my uncle's wife) me being gay would put their questions to rest. Everyone needs a nice comfortable box they can be placed in for easy reference and categorisation. People like me not being gay seems to make some people - particularly some straight women -very uncomfortable. Most irksome.
Of course, the way some people look at coupling they may as well refer to it as a partnership. They move in together for pragmatic reasons: it is cheaper, economically feasible. They are giving the relationship a trial period, a test drive to marriage. Aside from my religious inclinations on the subject, allow me to say that the practical reasons are all bullshit. Marriage changes a relationship no matter how long you have been together - and the divorce statistics would seem to prove that one. I also have first hand observations.
One friend and his wife decided to move in together first. It was the smart and sensible thing to do. Only stupid people, ill-educated ignorami, moralisers, fearful religious dogmatists married one another before living together first. After one year he was expressing his doubts about the relationship and she was none too happy with him either. I was quite frank with him and told him that I'd loose respect for him if he divorced her. We had talked about this before they even moved in together and I warned him back then. They stuck it out over a rough road at times, but now they see each other as an integral part of themselves. But too many people out there just give up when things get tougher than expected. When a "trial" relationship ends, you still end up with the same hassles of a divorce. They rarely seem to end in an easy parting of the ways.
If you love each other, make a go of it. Put in the effort. You are lucky, you dumb fucking bastards, if you have found someone who feels about you the way you feel about them. I never have. If you don't love someone don't live with them. Resentment festers and casual disregard becomes commonplace. And frankly, who needs that in their lives? Not me. Make a go of it, stop second guessing. Tough it out and things will improve if you want them too.
It isn't that I couldn't have been married or living with a woman now, it is that I don't just want to be with someone for the sake being with them. I won't use a woman for our own (and specifically my) financial security.


Blogger MaCanuck said...

Okay. Now I'm all depressed.

09 April, 2008 00:40  
Blogger Geosomin said...

You know you love me...>:)

I had to snicker at "white-trash, hell-spawned she-devil". It seems to be the settling choice for men of age, and recently, some of my friends who seem to be desperate to not be single. Please don't ever settle.

I realise I was hardly old when I met J and we fell in lurve, but I had always considered telling people in my family I was gay just to stop them asking about relationships and all that...I figured if nothing else it would make for interesting conversation. It always irks me when people think singles are having a lousy time in life (course after marriage it is the whole kids thing...but I digress). I was just fine on my own, and was determinted to enjoy my life however it came to me...then I met J and hey, it's still all good. Often it's more complicated, as you have to consider someone else in all your ideas and plans and can't be as selfish or ill planned as you'd preferred to be...but that's part of it all. If you don't love someone enough to try and work things out, then it doesn't work out. And sometimes, it doesn't work out, because it was started for the wrong reaons, and people, I think, are wise to move on in that case.
What can I say?
I know I struggle being an antisocial thing, it's easy to just hang out with J and get antisocial, becuase we're not alone when we're together...but life changes and you muddle through. There is something optimistic about spring...makes you want to go out and do and meet people and see the world again.

I get by with a little help from my friends...

09 April, 2008 08:36  
Blogger Geosomin said...

PS - I will make you a monkey pancake when you get here if you like...I'm not counting on extreme artistic accuracy, but if you can accept somewhat blobby monkeys, well I have the cakes for you...

09 April, 2008 08:39  
Blogger Magnus said...

MaCanuck: good. >:)

Geo: Blobby monkey pancakes always accepted.

Given that the monkey in the song is supposed to be Yoko (or so I am told) I may just be better off single. I like my space.
One thing I forgot to write down, in fact the impetus for the whole damned post was that some of our recently immigrated employees (the Fijians are the most intrusive in this regard)keep asking me why I am not married? When am I getting married? You should marry her, she's single. What's wrong with you? My reply is that I am a widower and that my wife was killed by a drunk driver and that I haven't got over her death yet. In a Elijah's words: "Ouch!"
It does shut them up and, as of yet, I haven't had to create a fictional background for my fictional and deceased wife. It just shuts people up and they feel real bad. >:D

09 April, 2008 09:23  
Blogger MaCanuck said...

Yeah, but if someone asks you to be able to talk about her, you need to be able to have a tear form in your eye and get all choked up.

09 April, 2008 10:32  
Blogger Magnus said...

I dunno about the tear, but I do bitter and torn up pretty well. I've been saying it was 5 years ago.

09 April, 2008 11:36  
Blogger Magnus said...

I've debated about throwing in a child as well, but that just seems a bit cruel.

09 April, 2008 11:38  

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