Past as Present
Much of my adult life has been a struggle to both grow up and to find stable, love and gainful employment. I'd like to think I have grown up a little bit since the start of this decade, but the jury is still out. Love is something I just give up on: I do not get it and it certainly does not want to be got - not by me at any rate. As for gainful employment... I am employed at least.
My job in the Health Region is not tremendously gainful at this point as I am a casual employee. There is a chance I could go up to part time, maybe even full time, but that is up to management and the full time guy who may or may not retire. Still, I can bid on other jobs in the Region and the longer I work for it the more my seniority goes up. But I don't want to work for the region forever and really just want to pay down Student Loans enough so I can go back finish up and get my teaching certificate. At this point it is all still hand to mouth with a promise of utensils, a plate and maybe even a table in the future.
It seems I made the right choice in moving to Saskatchewan as well. It is the only province showing appreciable growth in a time of great economic downturn (can we say depression?) and I just couldn't find any opportunities back home. I also couldn't afford to live in Vancouver and the Lower Mainland. So I moved for opportunity. Lots of people do. My Great Grandfather, John Corcoran, left Wales around 1911 to come to Canada for new start. He found after helping to organize a coal miners strike on Vancouver Island, having the BC Militia sit on him, going to fight in WWI with the Irish Guard, coming back, getting blacklisted, opening a saddle shop, becoming a petty bureaucrat and then dying of the black lung in the 30's. Hopefully my own pitfalls don't mirror John's.
Still, I wonder how John Corcoran felt leaving his family and friends behind? By all accounts, Dowlais was and still is a hell hole - but home is home. Vancouver ain't all that it used to be either - but home is home. And my friends are there. And my parents. I do have telecommunications to bridge the gap and that helps, but one can't help but get a bit homesick. One can't help but feel some resentment as well. Why do I have to leave home to find a future for myself? Why did opportunities elude me back home? (and I did try to find them) Did I make the right decision? Should I have just stuck it out a little longer? Did John Corcoran ever feel this way? I am happy enough here in Saskatoon, don't get me wrong, but one does have second thoughts. One does get homesick.