Sunday, February 08, 2009

Past as Present

iPodery: Neurosis, Elliott Smith, Blonde Redhead, Toots and the Maytalls, Goldfrapp, Isis

Much of my adult life has been a struggle to both grow up and to find stable, love and gainful employment. I'd like to think I have grown up a little bit since the start of this decade, but the jury is still out. Love is something I just give up on: I do not get it and it certainly does not want to be got - not by me at any rate. As for gainful employment... I am employed at least.
My job in the Health Region is not tremendously gainful at this point as I am a casual employee. There is a chance I could go up to part time, maybe even full time, but that is up to management and the full time guy who may or may not retire. Still, I can bid on other jobs in the Region and the longer I work for it the more my seniority goes up. But I don't want to work for the region forever and really just want to pay down Student Loans enough so I can go back finish up and get my teaching certificate. At this point it is all still hand to mouth with a promise of utensils, a plate and maybe even a table in the future.
It seems I made the right choice in moving to Saskatchewan as well. It is the only province showing appreciable growth in a time of great economic downturn (can we say depression?) and I just couldn't find any opportunities back home. I also couldn't afford to live in Vancouver and the Lower Mainland. So I moved for opportunity. Lots of people do. My Great Grandfather, John Corcoran, left Wales around 1911 to come to Canada for new start. He found after helping to organize a coal miners strike on Vancouver Island, having the BC Militia sit on him, going to fight in WWI with the Irish Guard, coming back, getting blacklisted, opening a saddle shop, becoming a petty bureaucrat and then dying of the black lung in the 30's. Hopefully my own pitfalls don't mirror John's.
Still, I wonder how John Corcoran felt leaving his family and friends behind? By all accounts, Dowlais was and still is a hell hole - but home is home. Vancouver ain't all that it used to be either - but home is home. And my friends are there. And my parents. I do have telecommunications to bridge the gap and that helps, but one can't help but get a bit homesick. One can't help but feel some resentment as well. Why do I have to leave home to find a future for myself? Why did opportunities elude me back home? (and I did try to find them) Did I make the right decision? Should I have just stuck it out a little longer? Did John Corcoran ever feel this way? I am happy enough here in Saskatoon, don't get me wrong, but one does have second thoughts. One does get homesick.


Blogger Glen McKay said...

Maybe you should reread old blog posts, especially the ones where you lament on how much Vancouver sucked. Gives perspective.

08 February, 2009 22:22  
Blogger Magnus said...

I know and am aware, but home is where the heart is. I must have posted how Vancouver is where I feel geograpically at home - the most connected.I don't hate Saskatoon at all, not by a longshot. But I do miss my parents, friends like Elijah, Peter and Gavin. I miss comfort places like the Irish Heather, Siwash Rock, Pitt Lake.
I have a love/hate relationship with the Lower Mainland. You can't hate a place or a person that much without loving it/them as intensely. If things had worked out for me more in the place that feels like home, I'd have stayed and those old posts may never have existed. That's perspective.

09 February, 2009 18:15  
Anonymous Gavin said...

You made the right choice in terms of job.
Trust me. It's really bad out here.

11 February, 2009 16:44  
Blogger Magnus said...

Yeah, that's what my Dad has been saying.

12 February, 2009 12:55  
Blogger Glen McKay said...

If Canada lost 129,000 jobs in January I assume it's getting pretty bad everywhere.

13 February, 2009 02:26  
Blogger Magnus said...

Yeah, but Saskatchewan has actually hit a high point at this time so the economic downturn elsewhere has been pretty soft here.

14 February, 2009 14:46  

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