Monday, June 05, 2006

Red Line Adrenaline Crash and Burn (F&LinSB Chapter 5)

CD in Play: Miles Davis, Ascenseur Pour l'Echafaud. Mike and Rich, Expert Knob Twiddlers.

Some days are bad for no apparent reason and this yesterday was one of those. I had five different people threaten to kick my head in. First up was "The Preacher", a crazy Jamaican man (and I do mean crazy in a certifiable, double pink slip kind of way) who hates women and open displays of affection, loves amphetamine's and, apparently, Jesus. He's always obnoxious and odd - one day he was handing out twenty dollar bills to people who said they believe in Jesus and he had a stack equaling $500 - but today he was absolutely unhinged.
"The Preacher" was hysterically berating a thriteen year old couple for "committing pre-marital sex" and "sinning against Jesus". When I arrived on the scene he became even worse and I had used the soft approach. I had to physically remove him from site and restrain him so he couldn't follow the two kids. He began waving a cross in front of my face in a manner reminiscent of Dr. Van Helsing in a Hammer Dracula film, convinced I was a Nazi and in league with the devil. He also said I was in league with former Prime Ministers Jean Chretien and Paul Martin, which might mean the same thing when you come down to it. Of course he was going to come back and give me an ass-whooping for God. (I am a very lapsed Christian but I do still hold to the core beliefs, even if I can't bring myself to return to church)
After that I had to deal with really belligerent kids, whose threats don't worry me in the slightest. The last threats of the day were uttered by two scumbags I found drinking outside the hotel bar. I told them they had to return to the bar with the pint they were sharing. They decided to act like hard cases and ignored me eventully giving me the finger. I seized the pint and told them they had to leave. They gave me attitude but were moving off. One attempted to make think he was from England, but his accent was about as phony as it gets. I should mention I had seen them on Skytrain as I was travelling two work and the first thing that popped into my head was, "I really hope they don't come onto my site". *Sigh*
Once outside one of them, affecting his best homeboy impersonation, started to get belligerent calling me "nigga" and challenging me to make him leave. I gave him one warning and he started in on the whole gangsta thing again. I put my hands on him and he freaked, and started to dance around saying "Let's go whiteboy! Come on nigga!" (no exaggeration here) This brought one of our local, real life gangstas running in to help me. Call him C. C is banned from just about everywhere else in town so he is really well behaved on our site. We don't hassle him because his mere presence is enough to keep a lot of undesirables in line or off site all together. (he's also an alright guy) I don't know what he's involved with but I do know he can take care of himself and that he has his own crew.
C stepping up got scumbag No. 2 to settle his friend down and get him off site. Once off site they starting mouthing off and the first guy spat on me. They crossed onto property once C was out of eyeshot and tried to get physical. I tossed them both off and moved in to give one a smack in the gob as he was winding up to deck me. They backed off and threatened to come back and kick the crap out of me. They had stiffed the bar they were in for the bill, but had left a bag full of clothing (scumbag No. 1 was apparently going to the UK) and their ID behind. The bar showed me their ID.
For those of you who don't live in British Columbia, you need to understand that Security Guards in BC are not permitted to carry impact weapons, restraints or pepper spray - to say nothing of fire arms. Back in 1979 two cowboy guards chased a suspect down with replica guns and hand-cuffed him. The papers got a hold of the story and there was some public outrage so the Social Credit Government drafted the PISA Act seriously limiting what guards were able to use, (nothing) wear, etc. Given some of the idiots I have seen on the jon and have worked with, this isn't such a bad thing in some respects. Problem is that times have changed and the world of 1979 was a cake-walk compared to the world of 2006.
My two scumbags did return, but they hit one of our licensed restaurants instead of me. They were using unbelievably nerdy wanna-be cool nick-names and had performed a drink and dash - assualting the manager and the bartender in the process. I shared the ID info with the very interested Skytrain Security and Police and with a mildly disinterested RCMP.
Today was slow, which was good since I am sufferening from the effects of adrenaline burn-out. I did manage to arrest "The Rabbit", my scrounger and thief of opportunity. I wasn't able to scrounge up a rooster suit but it was still satisfactory. He was eating at one of our finer fast-food establishments. I called in the supervisor who banned him for one month, which is really all we can do at this point. The Rabbit was happy, because he can live with one month and he was affraid we were going to kick the crap out of him. I just hope he bathes somewhere between now and July 6.


Blogger Geosomin said...

Bad days are crummy. Hope today is better. I am sending you a hug and happy thoughts.
Too bad about the no rooster suit thing. I actually had a dream about a guy in a rooster suit smoking a cigar last night...but he wasn't saying what you talked about. It was odd, like he was supposed to just be there, like the smiling bear that shows up every once in a while in Birdman...It was just a dream about an average evening in a pub playing Wizard and drinking coffe and beer...only rooster guy was working behind the bar too...
Wierd.I think he was smoking a cigar too.


06 June, 2006 10:24  
Blogger Magnus said...

Ah Birdman. Now there's a DVD I need to get.

You and J would love the Mike and Rick album, btw. They are Squarepusher and Aphex Twin respectively.

06 June, 2006 23:45  
Blogger Tatty Tiara said...

I just keep wondering what the guy thought he'd accomplish with a fake accent...

09 June, 2006 22:38  
Blogger Magnus said...

If you ever saw Wes Anderson's first film, Bottle Rocket, about some very inept would-be criminals - that's what they were like. The guy was trying to through me off. I have used a fake Scottish accent to throw off aggressive drunks and it works quite well. (see the Feb 7 2006 entry But your have to be good at it, which I am. He was trying to tell me that he grew up in the UK and they are allowed to take their pints out of the pub. It was a bad accent and he lost it pretty quickly. About ten minutes later he was telling me that I was lucky I wasn't in Toronto, because he kick my head in. This time he was trying to sound like he was from inner-city Detroit or Compton.

In short, they were pathetic losers.

10 June, 2006 02:45  

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